The Best Version Of Yourself Is the One You Told to Get Lost
I have a friend in Belgium who occasionally wants my input for his memes that consist of pithy observations or wordplay. “Do you have an idea for a meme that pokes fun at this be-the-best-version-of-yourself hype?,” he asked me in a text message. “Sure,” I said, wasting no time, “The best version of yourself is the one you told to get lost and who followed the advice.”
He laughed. I laughed. And the next day we both posted our version of that suggestion on Instagram.
Not much later, another friend of mine—this one from the USA— responded to my posts: “Man, I love the Marxist move of deconstructing and considering the material conditions that call into question our contemporary obsession with improving the self.”
Right!
I could have waited for this reply. He’s a philosopher who can pierce right through the surface of a joke and get to the heart of the matter. He had picked up on the hidden criticism behind the meme.
Successful
We live in an age where we are constantly trying to improve ourselves. Improvement has become synonymous with becoming more successful, looking more beautiful, getting richer, self-helping ourselves into self-made gurus of Western individualism who shine like immortal lights into the eternal night of Western capitalism.
Or something like that.
To be successful is to be an influencer.
To be successful is to have bitcoins working for you.
To be successful is to have found the Zen in Silicon Valley.
To be successful is to not be a loser—like others—but an Uber. Uber driver, Uber rich, Übermensch... whatever.
Turns out, the best version is always something that is defined in comparison with other who are less successful than you. What is worse, achieving the best version of yourself happens at the expense of others. Economically. Politically. Culturally.
To be successful is to be a demigod, worshiped by minions who like your posts, buy your merch, and absorb all the nonsense coming out of your mouth as divine oracle.
Chasing a ghost
Improving yourself is a projection of the self in a direction that runs parallel to the trajectory of consumerism. We always want more and better and once we get there, we’re dissatisfied with our newly achieved status quo.
This is because the narrative of finding the best version of you is essentially an invention of capitalism. It is a search that doesn’t ask questions and doesn’t offer criticism. It merely exploits the boundaries of our Western ideology to maximize personal profit.
And then we die, having never found the best version of ourselves. Why? Because we were looking in the wrong direction. There is nothing beyond Sunset Boulevard but the salty Pacific that will swallow all your dreams. The betterment we seek is made of plastic. Its vainglory is destined for destruction.
The self in need of an upgrade is a ghost that eludes us before we even get started. The very thing we seek to improve is a phantasm, a temporary construct, a void that even fails in naming itself. What wants to grow is a black hole that gobbles up matter without ever reaching the radiance it so desires.
What is the self? When we talk to ourselves, we give an answer. But who is really there? An emptiness that fears death with all its might and seeks to flee from it by the delusion of an ephemeral best version of itself.
That’s what.
Getting lost
Getting lost is the best advice we can give to those selves of ours. Like the Prodigal Son in the parable of Jesus, the self who gets lost wakes up to his own naked self after having spent all his money, energy, and youthfulness. He then says to himself: I’m a nothing. Let’s go back to father, and plainly tell him what I am. And the self agrees.
When we get lost, we can finally look into the mirror. There are no pretensions left. You thought you had a reputation, but it’s gone. You thought you had achieved something, but it’s gone. The self finally becomes aware of its own nothingness, its own mortality, its own vacuousness.
Yes, it’s a moment of great vulnerability. And you’d rather be alone when you make the discovery and acknowledge the truth about yourself.
You’re a nothing.
I’m not saying this to spite myself or humiliate the reader. But at the end of the day, we are vulnerable human beings who have to acknowledge their limits, inabilities, and mortality.
Coming home
It is at that point that you can start thinking about returning home. Come home with your self-as-a-void. Return with empty hands.
The weird thing, though, is that the moment you embrace your own nothingness, you also realize there’s nothing left to lose. There is no reputation to maintain or achievements to frame and hang on the wall. You’re just a little you on his way through (and eventually out of) this life.
The moment of the greatest loss is the moment of the greatest gain. The powerlessness in the void is at the same time the strength on which to take wing. When you no longer invest your energy in creating better versions of yourself, you can redirect it toward those around you who could benefit from your presence.
This is why I’ve become convinced that to break the cycle of self-improvement is the best thing we can do for ourselves and others. And I don’t mean that we should not improve our craft, not learn, not gain knowledge, not become better at something.
I mean that we need to stop chasing the illusion that we are worthy of the worship of others. We are not so special that others should make sacrifices to enable our selves.
The best version of you is something radically different from what our culture and society think it is. Resist the rat race, resist the application of Buddha to business, resist the superstition of positive thinking, resist casting models of self-improvement in the mold of success.
We need authenticity and empathy, compassion, and courage to make a better world. And for that, we need to tell ourselves to get lost. Because the best version of yourself is the one you told to get lost.
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